I dive into my mind sometimes,
What’s the meaning of life?
^there are levels to the answer of this question
Because in a large way, we are literally creating the meaning of life.
-but yes, on a metaphysical, quantum level, there is a lottttttt happening. Layers. Levels. Dimensions. Etc. & there’s multiple layers within the layers — but this is what we do, right? As humans. We’re explorers. Pioneers. Renegades. & to go deeper, within the human mind – and also externally, we must begin “digging” you could say — diving into the mind – for me, I’m a natural philosopher, & psychedelics like psilocybin & lsd a handful of times(I would like to do more) – they can serve as mind “digging” tools —
^^and one of the many things I’ve discovered/experienced, is that “Mind” is possibly everywhere. It’s not only within the individual. During some of my psychedelic trips I have understood this completely, wholly. It’s far-out. Definitely. But it’s real. & if I need to, I’m sure I could find quotes from geniuses of the past – scientific & other, who have said the same thing — but now, as we are advancing – in technology, etc, we may be able to prove this to be true.
^this is so obvious to me, that sometimes I feel like humanity already knows this…but, at so many levels it’s also obvious that humanity doesn’t know this — as a species, humanity overall, is still mostly behaving like animals, savages.
& this ^^ is understandable. Look where we came from – as a species (humanity). “Life”, as we know it – well, the history of humanity, has been savagery. So it’s like yea, of course.
But then where do we go from here?
& I don’t know if it even matters.
But I guess maybe it’s also our instinct which makes us want to strive & survive, & learn, & evolve.
(I drink a lot of water. I drink a lot of other things too. But lots and lots of water.)
As humans, we like to think we are in control. & to an extent, we are. But to a very small extent — because there are metaphysical, invisible, quantum, all that shit – is here. And it always has been. Life goes way way way beyond the human experience. Life is not about us. It’s not. Get over it. Boo-hoo. Cry me a river — & then use that water to help people.
Humanity, well, humans, individually, are selfish. Almost completely selfish.
It’s their instinct, mostly. So their instinct, and I’m sure this is not only biological, but there are multiple factors that influence this,, but yea, most, if not all, humans instinct is to survive, and, as we look at the history of humanity, it’s easy to see this. I mean even life today. It’s obvious.
So, there must be some good to this ^^, although it may be hard to believe. But there is. like we need this(ego) to a certain extent. But there is more to life than the human ego. So much more.
But it’s very easy to be carried away by ego.
Possibly if it weren’t for my psilocybin experiences, I may not have ever experienced life outside the human ego. But there is life beyond the human ego. And it’s beautiful. Seriously.
But yes, there is possibly a need for balance. Of ego, and we’ll say soul, if we are to adapt & evolve, together. There’s just so much more. But for so long humans have lived inside a bubble in a way. We could call it the bubble of ego. 100%.
There is more to life than our little ego bubbles. So so so so much more.
Anyway. Trying to find the right words for this — for what the answer for this could be — & it’s probably many things — one being a new form of understanding,, a new way of thinking,, perceiving,, etc..
& yes, I know at least part of the way, and part of me believes that the only way to achieve this is for us, on individual levels, to live the way.
^^and the way — well first, it’s not just one exact way – it’s not. There’s no such thing as “perfection” – well, there is, because everything is perfect already,, but in a human sense – things will never be perfect, ever. Let’s not try to make things perfect, lets just progress. Start where we are and go from here.
^but yea, the way..I could put it simply but it’s funny because I don’t know if people would understand. So possibly it’s something I’d have to write out or something, in detail, being diligent & specific with my words – as I’m trying to do now, but this is just a free-write. My mind is speaking.
How could I plan everything that has happened? Someone couldn’t plan that out. I trust life. It’s a different form of thinking, of living, of being.
And..I could continue with this – with writing & whatever, but, and I will, at some point.
And yea, it’d be nice to not be living in poverty. & some might mention ego now – but like I said, we need ego to an extent. & I like to have fun. Life isn’t about just human shit. That’s stupid. About whatever. It’s so much more. And I want to create great work, and have fun while I do it, at a place where I can research & write, and feel free to dive into the Mind, & try to find the right words — to share new ways of thinking, perceiving, understanding.
Somewhere near nature, beach would be cool. No nearby neighbors haha, but I’ll still be social every now & then.
((People are so stupid sometimes. They will take your words & twist them into their own interpretation, for better or worse, and often, for worse. So fucking stupid.)) – but again, even though this irritates me sometimes, I understand it. We, humanity, come from savagery – this is how it has been, and this is how it still is.
& I don’t mind living in poverty. Honestly I love my life, and that won’t change. It won’t. I know what I’m here for. & if I die or someone kills me, that’s okay. Seriously, whatever. It doesn’t matter. Life goes on. It’s not about me. And it’s not about you. It’s definitely not about humanity. There’s just a lot, a lot, a lot happening on the metaphysical, quantum level, & other levels we are currently unaware of.
That’s it for now.
Sometimes I get high, sometimes I get low, but I’m calm as can be, in a room full of strangers but oh my, don’t try to get close, cuz I’m just gonna leave, cuz baby I’m a Lone Ranger..open eyes open roof gimme miles give me truth….(Rachel Platten, Lone Ranger; it’s my soul song) I died a physical death. I chose to come back… my physical sight is different now;
There’s so much more to this world. Then I started the mushrooms, for PTSD. Psilocybin IS a medicine. I thought all my relationships fell apart bc it was someone else’s fault, or it was my fault.. there is no “fault”.. there is just you, & who you are. Be that. Be that thing. That most primal, natural thing. When a man comes who doesn’t try to cage or capture that “Isness” of me, that is the man I’ll stay with
Until then, realize you are a mirror, they are a mirror..it’s all the same tapestry, of which you are a thread…
…You know, I guess what I wanted to say was look for nothing, everything already is…
Doors of Perception
Written by Aldous Huxley.
Published in 1954.
Huxley discusses his experience taking mescaline in 1953.
1—”To be shaken out of the ruts of ordinary perception, to be shown for a few timeless hours the outer and the inner world, not as they appear to an animal obsessed with survival or to a human being obsessed with words and notions, but as they are apprehended, directly and unconditionally, by Mind at Large – this is an experience of inestimable value to everyone and especially to the intellectual.”
2— “The mind was primarily concerned, not with measures and locations, but with being and meaning.”
3—“But the reasonably healthy person knows in advance that, so far as he is concerned, mescalin is completely innocuous, that its effects will pass off after eight or ten hours, leaving no hangover and consequently no craving for a renewal of the dose.”
4— “But the man who comes back through the Door in the Wall will never be quite the same as the man who went out. He will be wiser but less cocksure, happier but less self-satisfied, humbler in acknowledging his ignorance yet better equipped to understand the relationship of words to things, of systematic reasoning to the unfathomable Mystery which it tries, forever vainly, to comprehend.”
5—Our goal is to discover that we have always been where we ought to be. Unhappily we make the task exceedingly difficult for ourselves.”
6—“A moment later a clump of Red Hot Pokers, in full bloom, had exploded into my field of vision. So passionately alive that they seemed to be standing on the very brink of utterance.”
7—“Other persons discover a world of visionary beauty. To others again is revealed the glory, the infinite value and meaningfulness of naked existence, of the given, un-conceptualized event. In the final stage of ego-less-ness there is an “obscure knowledge” that All is in all – that All is actually each.”
8—“What the rest of us see only under the influence of mescalin, the artist is congenitally equipped to see all the time.”
9—“The schizophrenic is like a man permanently under the influence of mescalin.”
10—“Most visualizers are transformed by mescalin into visionaries. Some of them – and they are Perhaps more numerous than is generally supposed – require no transformation; they are visionaries all the time.”
11—“Along with the happily transfigured majority of mescalin takers there is a minority that finds in the drug only hell or purgatory.”
12— “Most men and women lead lives at the worst so painful, at the best so monotonous, poor and limited that the urge to escape, the longing to transcend themselves if only for a few moments, is and has always been one of the principal appetites of the soul.”
13— “Professor J. S. Slotkin, one of the very few white men ever to have participated in the rites of a Peyotist congregation, says of his fellow worshipers that they are “certainly not stupefied or drunk…. They never get out of rhythm or fumble their words, as a drunken or stupefied man would do…. They are all quiet, courteous and considerate of one another. I have never been in any white man’s house of worship where there is either so much religious feeling or decorum.”
14—“How many philosophers, how many theologians, how many professional educators have had the curiosity to open this Door in the Wall? The answer, for all practical purposes, is, None.”
15—“Words are uttered, but fail to enlighten. The things and events to which the symbols refer belong to mutually exclusive realms of experience.”
16— “What is important is less the reason for the experience than the experience itself.”
17— “It has been a retreat from the outward Datum into the personal subconscious, into a mental world more squalid and more tightly closed than even the world of conscious personality.”
18—“For the moment, mescalin had delivered me “e world of selves, of time, of moral judgments and utilitarian considerations, the world (and it was this aspect of human life which I wished, above all else, to forget) of self-assertion, of cocksureness, of overvalued words and idolatrously worshiped notions.”
19—“This is how one ought to see,” I repeated yet again. And I might have added,’ ‘These are the sort of things one ought to look at.” Things without pretensions, satisfied to be merely themselves, sufficient in their Suchness, not acting a part, not trying, insanely, to go it alone, in isolation from the Dharma-Body, in Luciferian defiance of the grace of god.”The nearest approach to this,” I said, “would be a Vermeer.”
20—“For the moment that interfering neurotic who, in waking hours, tries to run the show, was blessedly out of the way.”
21—“All that the conscious ego can do is to formulate wishes, which are then carried out by forces which it controls very little and understands not at all.”
22—“In the intervals between his revelations the mescalin taker is apt to feel that, though in one way everything is supremely as it should be, in another there is something wrong.”
23—“I took down my copy of Evans-Wentz’s edition of The Tibetan Book of the Dead, and opened at random:
“O nobly born, let not thy mind be distracted.” That was the problem – to remain undistracted. Undistracted by the memory of past sins, by imagined pleasure, by the bitter aftertaste of old wrongs and humiliations, by all the fears and hates and cravings that ordinarily eclipse the Light…
… What those Buddhist monks did for the dying and the dead, might not the modern psychiatrist do for the insane? Let there be a voice to assure them, by day and even while they are asleep, that in spite of all the terror, all the bewilderment and confusion, the ultimate Reality remains unshakably itself and is of the same substance as the inner light of even the most cruelly tormented mind.”
24—“But we can easily become the victims as well as the beneficiaries of these systems…
We must learn how to handle words effectively; but at the same time we must preserve and, if necessary, intensify our ability to look at the world directly and not through that half opaque medium of concepts, which distorts every given fact into the all too familiar likeness of some generic label or explanatory abstraction…
Literary or scientific, liberal or specialist, all our education is predominantly verbal and therefore fails to accomplish what it is supposed to do.”
25—“The universal and ever-present urge to self- transcendence is not to be abolished by slamming the currently popular Doors in the Wall. The only reasonable policy is to open other, better doors in the hope of inducing men and women to exchange their old bad habits for new and less harmful ones.”
26—“A man under the influence of mescalin quietly minds his own business. Moreover, the business he minds is an experience of the most enlightening kind, which does not have to be paid for (and this is surely important) by a compensatory hangover.”
27—“For myself, on this memorable May morning, I could only be grateful for an experience which had shown me, more clearly than I had ever seen it before, the true nature of the challenge and the completely liberating response.”
28—“The contemplative whose perception has been cleansed does not have to stay in his room. He can go about his business, so completely satisfied to see and be a part of the divine Order of Things that he will never even be tempted to indulge in what Traherne called “the dirty Devices of the world.”
29—“Today the percept had swallowed up the concept. I was so completely absorbed in looking, so thunderstruck by what I actually saw, that I could not be aware of anything else.”
30—“When we feel ourselves to be sole heirs of the universe, when “the sea flows in our veins … and the stars are our jewels,” when all things are perceived as infinite and holy, what motive can we have for covetousness or self-assertion, for the pursuit of power or the drearier forms of pleasure?”
31—”We see, then, that Christianity and alcohol do not and cannot mix. Christianity and mescalin seem to be much more compatible.”
32—“If you started in the wrong way,” I said in answer to the investigator’s questions, “everything that happened would be a proof of the conspiracy against you. It would all be self-validating, You couldn’t draw a breath without knowing it was part of the plot.” “So you think you know where madness lies?”
My answer was a convinced and heartfelt, “Yes.”
“And you couldn’t control it?”
“No I couldn’t control it. If one began with fear and hate as the major premise, one would have to go on to the conclusion.” “Would you be able,” my wife asked, “to fix your attention on what The Tibetan Book of The Dead calls the Clear Light?” I was doubtful.
“Would it keep the evil away, if you could hold it? Or would you not be able to hold it?”
I considered the question for some time. “Perhaps,” I answered at last, “perhaps I could – but only if there were somebody there to tell me about the Clear Light. One couldn’t do it by oneself. That’s the point, I suppose, of the Tibetan ritual – someone sitting there all the time and telling you what’s what.”
33—“An hour later, with ten more miles and the visit to the World’s Biggest Drug Store safely behind us, we were back at home, and I had returned to that reassuring but profoundly unsatisfactory state known as “being in one’s right mind.”
This post comes from an anonymous sender who had a profound experience with Psilocybin. The first few paragraphs give background on this writer, then you’ll hear about their psilocybin experience, including striking insights similar to things I’ve experienced while tripping. I love relating to all you psychonaut readers&experiencers! Enjoy the following trip 🍄🤪😁😎
My name is not relevant here but I would like to tell you something. I would like to say straight away that I am trying to describe something indescribable. This is a contradiction in terms, but I am trying.
I wrote this text original a few days after the experienced trip.
To introduce myself briefly, I take a look at something. I have many siblings. I grew up on a mountain farm. Overall, I had a nice childhood, I would describe myself as nature-loving and curious. My worst experience was probably the unnecessarily cruel divorce of my parents and the experiences from that time. I like to go to the mountains and work with wood. The search for the meaning of life kept busy me, but only in moderation and sometimes in passing. I am married and have healthy and sometimes good children. I can count over thirty years in my life.
I like to travel and one of my most extensive trips until a day in Winter 2019 was, for example, a bicycle trip with my friend from home to the Caucasus. There we climbed the Mount Elbrus.
I consider the student days with my friends and the experience from them to be very important for me. I also made up for the agricultural skilled worker. I work as an engineer in the automotive business.
I have very good friends who I can and want to count among the most important companions on my way.
This very short and extremely incomplete outline should reflect me a little.
Or maybe it’s only interesting for me, of course you have to make this judgment yourself.
First of all, so that you only think I’m as crazy as I really am or would be, I would like to note that I have witnessed some formative events such as near-death events and births of my children. In relation to the following experience, these seem to me like little crack on a bowl, which then broke open completely.
I and my friend, the travel companion, have been working intensively on mind-expanding mushrooms for a long time.
He much more than me, he developed the knowledge about it and let me participate. I think Paul Stamets was the trigger, who, like me, is now convinced that these mushrooms are not party drugs, but correctly used as a kind of aid. Here’s something to taste – (Joe Rogan&Paul Stamets video)
We both have moderate experience with hemp and, especially during our study time, a lot of experience with alcohol, but with drugs, I would like to say that we have nothing to do with it.
After studying books and reports from so-called psychonauts, this is a term that is typically used in specialist circles, and considering the risks, I decided to eat five grams of Psilocybe cubensis Golden Teacher with a little honey together with my friend.
Although we had read a number of testimonials and were roughly aware of how the psilocybin contained works, that it does not make you addictive, but tends to promote reflection and empathy, we would not have expected the following, with any fibre of our being.
And the name of the mushrooms, although it seems to describe the easy handling of the growth, says it all.
So of course, we went on a trip with our women after clarification. After ingesting the mushrooms, we went into a cosy room with some classical music and agreed that someone should check on us every half hour. Which then happened through my friend’s wife and an old friend.
Through our research, we knew that the trip would be over after 6 hours at the latest and that there would be no dependencies or physical damage afterwards. The worst to expect was a horror trip, which according to experience reports also harbours positive insights.
And now begins the part that is very difficult for me to put into words.
Secondly, my inability. I try anyway, just please be aware that this can in no way be modelled on words, words are something that we humans invented, so they are probably as imperfect, imperfect as everything we humans are and do.
So, we lay on the couch and listened to some nice classical music from an internet radio for the first hour. The psilocybin contained in the mushrooms and digested by the stomach docked in the corresponding places in my brain.
At the beginning we were amused, but then my senses interweaved and the most incomparable trip of my life started.
I started to see very nice, cloud-shaped pictures on the white ceiling. These then gradually began to move to the music. We had more or less expected this because new paths were formed in the brain and it was already described that music can be seen, for example.
This was very nice and I started to reflect and relive the wonderful experiences of my life.
Time and space were about the same as before, but I got a lot of nice insights. My “seeing” was also not as visual as usual, but much more intense.
In the next stage, maybe a quarter of an hour later, my senses have almost completely dissolved and interwoven. And even though I was always approachable, I felt a little crazy about my original point of view.
I wasn’t exactly where I was before and I wasn’t exactly who I was either. I also wondered at this stage how do I know that I am, I am.
A friend came into our room and checked on us.
I told him that I couldn’t even describe in a whole life what I’m experiencing and seeing in a moment.
And by seeing I didn’t mean anything visual that is perceptible to the eyes. It was a different way of seeing, for which I already lack the right words. I reflected a lot back and forth and realized what was beautiful and enjoyed it. Although time and space were no longer the same as before, they were still there. I was born with every breath and lived through many lives. I could feel real empathy. It was very moving.
And here I find it hardest to get any idea of it. Words, pictures, everything that is available to me as a person to describe it is completely insufficient to describe it. It’s also not true that I was there. There would be a place there, and it’s not a place. I wasn’t there either. To was there would mean a period of time, and it was not a period of time.
I don’t want to give it a name either, for me it cannot be associated with anything known, so I simply call it It, then you at least know that it is unimaginable.
Unfortunately, I can’t find any more suitable words to even begin to describe It.
I don’t want to describe the experience with I “was there”, but rather with I am It.
And that’s not a belief in it, but in my little transport container called the brain, certainty.
The further course of the trip was that I climbed one step down again. Time and space had not yet been opened up to me again in their current form. I then started to reflect on everything bad. My bad sides and mistakes, and the bad sides of the world that we have shaped as humans. That was not nice. I felt sick.
I wanted to know what I can or should do in my life. What’s the point?
I could not answer a single question about what I should or can do with completely right or completely wrong, I recognized my limited sphere of influence and my imperfection.
And although I felt through many lives there was no way to perfection. I asked myself the question of the meaning, I wanted to know what I should do with my new knowledge and experience or how I should continue to act as a person.
Everything was and is so imperfect compared to the experienced.
In addition, everything is connected, and I will soon travel through my life again with its limited sphere of influence. And I asked myself questions after questions, I probably had answers as well, but none of these answers led to the previously felt perfection.
I also knew that I would live my life more or less long. This has a sphere of influence that itself can be influenced, but is nevertheless always limited.
For example, when asked if I should slaughter and eat animals, there was no clear or complete answer. I already know that billions of lives are killed in our bodies every second and a similar number are born again. This life, every single cell wants to live just as much as a cow, right? Should a killed life serve my food? So, should as many or as large a life as possible be protected?
But there are better and worse answers, with no definitive borders in between.
In this phase of the trip I learned what I should do for my life, what the meaning of my life is, which was previously beautiful but also imperfect.
The experienced “It” is everything and therefore also what is bad at the moment.
What is so logical, simple but also difficult at the same time and anyway the only thing I can do is over me. In two words: make an effort!
I should try, I will not make perfect decisions, but I can choose between better and worse. And for me, the better is preferable to the worse. And for the current part of my trip, I’ll try to do that.
Now I am here in front of my computer and feel sorry about my imperfection in translating and writing these lines with imperfect meaning. Lines which try to describe something indescribable.
I have the time as an aid.
I have no faith after this trip, instead I have certainty. I am It too and I try.
With love for my wife, my children, family, friends and everything else,
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Below is Alfredo Avalos III’s reflection on his psychedelic experience.
All good, but I bolded some of my favorite sentences!
You know a trip is just like any other physical trip you take.
Whether it’s the beach, a cruise, or shrooming in your backyard with a few friends. The trip will always be what lies within your own mind & soul. Whatever that may contain. Whether good or bad remains lingering, be certain of all contents in your carry-on. Cause any baggage you must bring, will be what is worn and on display during your stay. If you bring a nervousness or a worrisome mind, buckle up and wish you had left them all behind.
You can deny yourself of the hurt in your mind, but when you’re shrooming, you will start to respect why you and all emotions need to coexist in smiles & cries. We neglect them as we hide, but they’ve been the essence from inside that leads our compass to determine which thoughts are to be left behind in life and which are to hold tight as we carry on for lighter life.
These thoughts & feelings are the driving force that fuels the entire course of the trip, so if you’ve forgotten your respects at home, you’re in for a bumpy ride.
Don’t deny the driver of its sight, especially when it’s also the decider of what is right in your mind. It will see you for all that you are. For whatever is lacking, will more than likely, be confronted in your journey.
Even A bad trip has its good moments. At the very least, you get a humbling story that reminds you to laugh at yourself when you’ve made mistakes.
Your friends will be sure to remind & enforce it whenever possible.
Decide for yourself as to why You needed to go on both rides a second time. That ride that you never thought was for you, was actually what was missing, & all that you needed most.
There’s beauty in those trips, and never was I the same person that had first approached-stumbling, without sight, thinking he knew how to make the best of his life..Maybe you’ll get it someday.
I enjoyed Alfredo’s reflection & hope you did too!
Check out Alfredo’s Instagram here & Stay Shroomin’ friends.