Categories
Psilocybin Stories

Existential Thoughts

I went into this writing as a story idea — this would be a suicide note sent to a friend, and the friend is now reading this note which they received a day or two after their friend killed themselves.

I don’t plan on committing suicide, but this quickly turned into my own existential thoughts on life, to myself, and less of a suicide note. I wrote it in one sitting with pencil and paper, in late October 2019-it was one of those flow moments. 

I wasn’t on magic mushrooms when writing this, I’m not even sure if they were on my mind, but I know they helped shape some of these thoughts.

I decided to keep some of the things I planned on editing out, in – they are in parentheses. Can be read with or without them.

Here is Existential Thoughts:

_____________________________

I can’t put into words how I feel right now, but I’ll try.
I’m young, but I feel so old; restless.

(A lost soul in a cold world.)

I found out this is a cold world; heartless.
Or maybe too much heart, and not enough brain,

(No thinking in this world, or you’ll be called insane; psycho, crazy.)
(Just do what we’re told.)

Cuz the people who think are all called insane; psycho.
They want us to do what we’re told and then feel shame; brainwash. (obedience)

I just can’t take it anymore, this game, I fold; The End.

Yes-I know I’m (loathing, dwelling) drowning in self-pity,
But I’m no Hunter S. Thompson, 
I can’t always “ride the waves of life” 
Sometimes those waves get so big, they suck me in and throw me against the ocean floor.

(And it fucking hurts. A fucking lot.)

Anyway, I know that everyone has their own waves to try and ride so I don’t even know why I’m sending this out.

No one actually cares. The world turns, the sun sets and rises and has been here for like billions of years..maybe..who knows what’s really real, I don’t think anyone does, except our experiences seem real, I don’t know.

I wonder what death will be like..or that it won’t “be” at all, not for our egos at least, 
Bye bye whoever I thought I was, Hello reality.
But this life is miraculous, it’s, there’s no words that can capture what this is, “life” we call it.
It’s a fucking trip.
Don’t know where it came from, don’t know where it goes.

I’m not sure if anything actually matters.
If we’re just dust in the wind, which in a sense we are because the Earth is just a small speck in the Universe that we don’t know how big it is!!
So if we’re just dust in the wind then why do we live? —or better, why do we want/desire to live?

It’s built within us—everyone wants to survive, mostly everyone. I do, but I just don’t fucking know life’s purpose! Fuck…maybe life has no purpose, although it feels as if it does.

Paradoxes on top of paradoxes on top of paradoxes; life is an unsolvable puzzle…maybe.

What if it could be solved? Or maybe there’s no solving to do because it just “is”
Maybe we’ve been taught, or our biologies lead us to desiring to “solve” life.
What would that even mean?-To solve life…
Haha, it sounds ridiculous but I think everyone I know is trying to do it. I know I am…Like, to experience ecstasy all the time?

I think that’s what most people are seeking—to feel good, and not feel bad,
And we’ve come up with a million and one ways to do this, but, it all ends in death, right?

I don’t know, maybe there’s life after death, maybe we .. or maybe life-whatever this is, just goes on without us.

Maybe it’s indifferent to our feelings—kind of like how we humans are mostly indifferent to others’ feelings and especially indifferent to animals’ feelings – I mean, we eat them. So what makes us better than them?? I don’t think we are better, but I do believe the collective human conscious believes we are better than animals…I’m just trying to put things into perspective, like an objective perspective-because we each have our own individual ego/self-perspective, but I think there’s more to life than humans-A lot more! Maybe I’ll find it on the other side-like I’ll be born as an alien or something…stupid…

But anyway-I think when people, when I, you, everyone are confronted with (the end) death, we get defensive. We don’t want to believe the truth of reality so we never live in a reality of truth. Facades and masks and makeup and clothes—these things strengthen a false reality, so what would strengthen a truer reality? – I do still believe in wearing clothes, geez I’m not an animal…Or are we just animals playing dress-up? Haha.

I don’t know. I think though. I think a lot. 
Sometimes I wish I didn’t think so much, but sometimes I like thinking.

So strengthening a truer reality..I think part of it comes down to a deep understanding/realization of death. -It’s hard for anyone to understand what we aren’t currently experiencing. So maybe one thing could be an imagination/visualization of losing all of one’s possessions—imagine what it would be like to have nothing and be on the streets of this cruel world. 

It seems like most people don’t want to know the truth of reality, they want to believe they will live forever until they die, and I don’t think that’s wrong because I believe in the cosmos-that all things that happen are supposed to happen, but if the cosmos is just another made-up idea, well I don’t know – people who live a completely selfish life and die don’t worry about the consequences of their actions—they’re dead, but I think each persons’ actions impact us all, I do believe in that – cause and effect, which I only have a limited understanding on.

But then also if the whole human race would go/goes extinct, what does it matter? 

I have no idea, but I have instinct/intuition, and it has a desire to do good, to help, to live a life where if when I die—I came/come back as a human(or animal) on the other side of the planet, that I can feel safe and loved—that I can be born into a world of love-a world where love rules – where we help each other rather than punish and shame, where we can look a stranger in the eye and really, really know, that they are me, and I am them, and that in what we have labeled as imperfections or flaws,-we (can) look at our own shortcomings/mishaps first before judging … that we won’t even judge, or that our judgements will be Love.-that, why would I ever try to hurt someone who is me, and I them?

It may never happen-it might not matter at all, but this is where I’m being called. I don’t know how to deal with people who hate—and I could be wrong but from what I’ve learned in human history-I’ve learned that masses of people tend to hate love…Like all the prophets get assassinated or thrown in jail. That seems backwards/wrong.

Are these “happenings” rooted in a corrupt system that desires control by any means?
Using the media to plant subconscious(selfish) ideas into human minds that/which benefit/strengthen the current power/system?
Or is it (“just”) conspiracy? 

I don’t think it’s conspiracy, I think it’s another truth of reality that the “winners”/people in power/many people, don’t want to see/look at. If you go back in history and study it, really study it, you’ll see this to be true(see the truth of this harsh reality); control, greed, more, more, never enough, more, but never being satisfied. (So) When does it end?

It ends when our desire for truth is stronger than our desire for more(of anything)…What is true and what’s not?

I have no fucking idea, but I know and I feel a truth inside of me that yearns to live.

(Maybe this life/society isn’t meant to live like that, or maybe we experience truth in death, or maybe we are evolving-into something beautiful, as/like a caterpillar turned butterfly).

But it’s A World of Love that I want to live in.

And maybe our own heaven and hells are within each of us, and we, as individuals, me-I, am in control of whether I experience real love or not-that if I want to change the world I need to change myself. It’s probably true, but I still don’t change. I continue as I am, and can I change?-I’m sure I could, at least it feels like we have that free will. But I still don’t change. I envision a beautiful world-but beautiful for who?-Humans? Will we still eat animals?-I think our fear to survive is stronger than compassion for animals..Or beautiful for “Americans?”-To live believing we are superior to others of the human race because of where we were born and had zero control of?..

Even if I want to help make the world better, it’s because it would be a better place to be if I died and came back, that’s still selfish. It focuses on “I” “Me” “My” still.

(So what’s the point?)

So the point is that I have no fucking clue if what I or we do is “right” or “good” because a lot of people are trying to do what’s good for them and their “tribe”

(So) Instead of being told what I should do and believe in, I follow a/my calling-maybe my calling is just a sum of my experiences and observations, I don’t know-but it’s strong within me. I am no perfect person-that doesn’t exist. I (just) am that I am.

I have a desire to go on/continue trying to explain or discuss these ideas, but I realized that some people will understand; and maybe I’m biased but I think those that understand are also seeking truth-(they are on a path of love).

And many may think I’m crazy-but I know that it’s common for people to fear and hate on what they don’t understand…

Cuz the people who think are called insane.

One more thing—I’ve observed numerous amounts of people who are actually afraid to think against societal ideas—to think for themselves, for the fear of being condemned or whatever(which is one reason I write anonymously).

-And yea it makes sense – a lot of prophets and peace makers have been/are targeted and killed or put in a cage. The system doesn’t desire to be changed – it craves/desires evil, corruption, power, control at the expense of anything and anyone.

But I think it can change as more and more people genuinely want truth and love, and as difficult as it is in this world to follow one’s truth, it will become easier as more people join(the movement); To Love-support, help, cooperate, encourage, collaborate, in authenticity, in knowing that I am you, and you are me.

(How can we know if we’re authentically loving ourselves and others?…)

Love—what does it really mean?

—Not to hate ourselves because of our vices, or should we hate ourselves until we do what we think we should do? -Or Loving ourselves through it all-making progress as we strive and fail, and continue to strive to live in a state of Love…

I don’t know.

(Maybe you’ll find something of use from my words-as all we/I know and say is a result of my experiences and observations.)

(This whole thing just flowed out of me and onto the pages in one sitting)

There’s a lot of thinking going on inside of me, sometimes too much?-No-it’s all what it is and what “it” is is ___________. -There’s no word I can think of-but the experience is a oneness with everything-a connection that is beyond thought-beyond words-beyond judgements-a deep peace. -Knowing that it’s all okay despite the (horrendous) truth of reality – I cross our horrendous because we may label it that because of our ideas of what is right and wrong(which a person’s thoughts of right and wrong are all relative to the human species-or race, gender, etc) is subjective. -(to our personal beliefs, not the truth of reality.)

But anyway!—yes, that it’s all okay, that we have very little control of whatever it is we are experiencing-but we have some control of (I think) our own actions-not the external world.

And that that is okay too.

And that you and I are going to die one day, and that that is okay.

Why wouldn’t it be okay??

-Because we thinkit’s not “okay” or “good”

Maybe death-it is the greatest thing that will ever happen to us.

I don’t know – and I don’t want to think that I know, because I don’t, (but) it-(death) is natural-and is “natural” indifferent?

Are we in a simulation? – maybe.
Is Jesus the only way to “eternal life?” -maybe.
Is there no purpose to anything, including this text? -maybe.

I guess one of the main takeaways I want readers to get from this is to really think about life—your own life, others’ lives, animals’ lives, and imagine/envision/think about what a “perfect”/ideal life would look like?

What does it look like to you?-And then imagine what it might be like for someone completely different from you—you may come to the realization that no amount of thinking will change reality’s truth, or who knows, maybe it will.

Are there similar characteristics in these perfect worlds?-or do your biases and human nature create a perfect world for just you-regardless of the feelings and thoughts of others?…

Thank you for reading.

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Love. Peace. Shrooms.

Categories
Psilocybin Stories

My First Real Trip

Broken down into 3 Sections: Before, During, After. Enjoy the trip.
(Published February 2020)

BEFORE:

College Cafeteria. Sophomore year. Late morning in the late Spring. 2010.

In a booth with plates of food, one of my roommates, and his friend.

Convo. Convo. Convo. Then I hear something like “do you wanna do shrooms with us today?”

I sat in thought for a moment, “can I think about it?”

“We’re getting them in less than an hour so gotta be quick.”

Haha, after eating, we all went back to our dorm. They chatted while I quickly engulfed as much information on mushrooms from google as I could before giving them my reply.

I was both scared and intrigued. From what I read during that time I learned that there was a possibility of having a spiritual awakening, but that there was also a possibility of having a bad trip, and fucking my life up forever.

So, naturally, I said yes.

We each got a cut of shrooms (3.5 grams), but I started with half, to be safe.

DURING:

Chomp. Chomp. Down the hatch.

A lot of people I’ve spoken with do not like the taste of mushrooms, and, understandably so. It doesn’t taste anything like your favorite food, unless your favorite food is dirt.

The taste really depends on what form of psilocybin mushrooms you get. I’ve tried several. Most have tasted Earthy, like dirt, especially the times I ate mushrooms I found in the woods — they looked like the magic kind! I didn’t die, and I don’t even think I tripped those times, unless it’s the permanent kind. So I don’t recommend that, but to each their own.

I’ve also had it dissolved into white chocolate — those ones tasted like a dessert. 

All the stories will be shared in time, but for now, here we are.

The ones we got on this day were gold caps. They looked exactly, 100%, like the shrooms on the cover photo. We had more than that though.

We got a large bag of beef jerky to share with our shrooms, because, you know, we heard they didn’t taste great — I forget if the other two had done them before. I think one had and one hadn’t. I personally didn’t think they tasted as bad as some people say they do, but I still ate some of the beef jerky with those precious gold caps.

How am I feeling at this point? What am I thinking? 

Yea, I was a bit nervous, but also curious, wondering what was to come.

From what I read that day, they don’t kick in until at least 30 minutes to an hour, but I really didn’t know what I was in for. I was still thinking that this could possibly enlighten me, but I also feared having the dreaded bad trip, which I will discuss in my second story, coming soon.

It was a nice day out, so, about 10 minutes after eating the shrooms, we decided we’d walk to a park about a half mile from our dorm. 

—Shining sun, blue skies, a few snow-white clouds, and it was just afternoon now. Month of May, I think.

We conversed as we walked, banter probably. The day was beautiful. We sat down on a dark green bench inside the park and continued chatting. This was about 20-30 minutes in now. I told them I don’t think I was feeling anything, and I think they said the same, so we talked about other things.

One of their friends joined us around that time. I guess he had eaten shrooms too, maybe that’s where they got it from, and he had done it multiple times he said. He told me that I will know when it kicks in…Not too long after, the colors of everything became a little brighter. I wasn’t sure if it was from the sun being so bright, or the shrooms. So I was like “the grass is really green right?” They laughed, and I did too.

Around this time I was thinking — this feels pretty good, maybe this is what shrooms are, and this is pretty cool…I watched a breeze swoop in, moving the grass with it, in what I thought looked harmonious. I was in awe…but soon I found that this was just the tip of the iceberg — but rather than an iceberg, I’d say a blackhole.

15 or so minutes later, one of the guys walked off on his own, sitting down at the base of a large tree. The three of us who were still together continued to talk, then I thought it’d be funny to scare our friend by the tree.

While cautiously stepping through the grass, about halfway there I stepped in a small pile of water (it had rained the day before), and softly, out loud, I was like “Ooohhh shit,” and exactly at that moment I knew, without a doubt, that it hit me. This was it. 

“YOOOOOO!” I yelled over to my two friends.

They’re laughing like “What???”

“I’M TRIPPPPIINNGGGGG!” I said, without a care in the world if anyone else in the park heard. 

The two of them geeked out. I did too. Our friend by the tree just looked over. He seemed a little down. He obviously saw me now, but I still went over to talk with him.

What I was feeling at that time when it hit me, is really hard to explain. It was like I could feel my whole body, simultaneously, everything. I breathed and it was perfect, I don’t know how else to put it, everything was in sync, and everything was beautiful.

The only things I remember talking with my friend about at that moment was the tree, and some ants that were crawling in front of us. We both were in awe of everything. The tree and ant were like family to us in that moment. Nothing had changed in the environment, but everything changed internally, which made us perceive and experience everything in a different way than “normal” life.

I think the other two friends came by shortly after, and we all conversed. Again, I don’t remember what all we talked about, but it was existential for sure.

At one point we thought it could be a good idea for all of us to be on our own for 5 minutes or however long we discussed, so the four of us separated in opposite directions, north, south, east, west. I went in one of those directions, then found a dry spot in the grass to lay down on. 

It was around that time, 30 minutes or so after it hit me initially, that I experienced something different than I was previously experiencing. The state of bliss I had been enjoying turned into a state of loneliness. I sat up, looking at where the others had gone off too. We were all in our own spots. I was thinking I hope we all come back together soon. 

At that moment I wasn’t enjoying the trip, but I found that these intense feelings, strong vibes, come in waves, and a different wave came. I think this one was a pretty good, contemplative state — I had an epiphany or something and really wanted to share it with the others, so I decided to get up and walk over to one of them. Maybe it was selfish. I don’t know, but that’s what I did. They were cool with me telling them whatever had been on my mind. I actually don’t remember what it was, but I bet it was a funny insight.

I had a lot of insights, realizations, epiphanies, that day(to come throughout).

We walked over to the others and we all shared what we were experiencing. Kind of funny right? Just four guys walking around a park, splitting up, coming back together, then talking about what we felt during that time. But that’s how shrooms are, from my experiences — that while on them, you experience things your normal self could never even imagine. 

We walked around the park some more, feeling breezes and watching them orchestrate the grass like it was a band. We were standing on a small grass hill around that time, which was also when I had a peak experience. Answers I had been seeking flooded into me — maybe I was the black hole? Maybe we were all blackholes? 

I wasn’t thinking that^ at the time, but reflecting on it, that’s how it felt for me. Everything made sense in that moment. It was moments of deep, joyful reflections. An internal “Ohhh” about so many things—myself, people, nature, animals, societal norms and structures, time, and even about life itself. Pretty much anything I had ever wondered or worried about, was resolved. And at that time the answers were so much more simple than I was making them to be, or worrying about. I really believe I was experiencing unconditional love, with myself and the Universe. We weren’t separate. There was no “you” and “me,” there wasn’t even an “us,” because it was all so beyond that, beyond any words.  

Later on, probably days or weeks later, I found out that what I experienced was mystical, and that some other names for it are “Cosmic Consciousness,” “Christ Consciousness,” “Transcendental Consciousness,” and I’m sure there are more.

One of the realizations I had during that moment, was that “time” is not actually how I previously thought it was—measured and all that(seconds, minutes, hours, days, etc). I realized that it was so much more than the measurements we’ve given it as humans. “Time” was a construct. One way I’ve described this whole experience to others is that it’s like going back to when you were a child — there’s no labels and words for anything. It just all, is. And it’s all connected. You feel like you’re finally home, on the inside, ya know, because that’s ultimately where we’re all experiencing life from. Both the internal and external fused together.

Back to the park….We would stand at a spot for awhile, all together, then walk to another spot, experiencing, conversing, observing. Now, a couple hours in, I found a Gandalf-like stick in the grass. I was like a child on Christmas when I saw it. To me, it was a sign, and it was a miracle — because for one, there weren’t any white trees in this park. There weren’t any trees anywhere close to where this stick would have come from. So I guess someone must have brought it in and left it there? At a random spot in the park. Or Aliens, like seriously, I don’t know. I do believe in Aliens though.

^&That’s another realization I had — that there are billions and billions of galaxies and stars in this universe. I think it’s highly likely that Aliens exist, and I also recognized that we, the human race, would be considered Aliens to a species from a different planet…So maybe it’s we who are the real Aliens?

So I clearly picked the stick up. Magic. It really did feel surreal. And I showed my friends who, at the time, we were all a little separated, walking around in our own worlds, and the same world.

^Another realization — The truth of Paradox. Basically I saw both sides of many coins, and realized that they were all true. Like just above, we’re all in the same world, but also, we all operate individually within ourselves, our brains, mind, or whatever. Heart too.

Another Paradox — That we are all connected and that we’re all separate. Similar to above. We’re all living individual lives, but beyond who we think we are(which might be ego?), is who we actually are — which is one entity. I’ll relate this one to living in the state you had as a child. There was a time in our lives, when we were really young, that we didn’t separate ourselves from anything. It could have been from our lack of knowledge/education….but it could have been that that is who we are in our purest form? We don’t fear anything. We don’t fear death because we don’t think about it. We’re truly living in the moment, thoughtless, and isn’t that what so many people try to do, or have always been trying to do? — reach that state of bliss, of no thoughts. We see people turn to drugs, alcohol, food, anything to try and get away from “ourselves”(who we think we are) (and yes, psilocybin is considered a drug, but there are things that are legal, like Cigarettes, that are wayyyy worse for our health. — it’s a lack of proper education, and the striving for power, and greed, that keeps drugs like Psilocybin, illegal (although lately more of the masses have been opening up to it — but only because everyone else is…)

^Haha. Would you jump off a bridge if your friend did it?

“No, of course not!”

…But most people are jumping off metaphorical bridges every day. We follow the crowd, the trends, we don’t stand out, because we’re afraid to. I’ve done it and still do it at times, this is usually a very unconscious thing we humans do, but it’s real, and this was clear to me during this experience. I still believe it’s true.

With psilocybin — I’m not saying that everyone should do it. I’m just telling you what I experienced that day, and what I’ve learned from it. Studies are currently being done to learn more about psilocybin and the potential health benefits(mental&other) it provides, at John Hopkins University and other places.

So yea, back to story. I shared my excitement about my newly found Gandalf-stick, and used it as like a hiking stick for the rest of the day. I even brought it to our dorm and kept it there for awhile – weeks or months. I may have gotten rid of it at the end of the semester, or sometime during, I don’t remember, but I did rip off a small piece and still have it to this day.

Also, hours later when we went back to our dorm I showed my other roommates the Gandalf-stick. I clearly remember how I described it too:

“It was just laying there,” throws stick on ground, “like that!”

What made it more funny was that I was completely serious. They laughed and I laughed too.

After:

^I’ll end this soon, but another big thing I took from the trip was to laugh at myself, to not take things too seriously (which I don’t always do! Sometimes I think too much, but I guess at the end of the day I have somewhere inside of me an internal reminder to laugh, and not take myself too seriously).

Life is fleeting, just like that moment. Just like the various moments throughout that day. And the weeks and years that pass by. It’s fleeting. Life is short. It hurts, it does. I think we’re all suffering in some way, but I think if we realized how short and temporary our lives are, in the grand scheme of things, we’d be able to have more fun and do better work. We’d help each other more and worry less. There are beautiful things in this life we experience, but as we age, it’s so easy to see all the bad in the world, and this can, in turn, make us experience “bad” in our lives.

This life is a mystery. I don’t know if it will every really be figured out. I’ve made many mistakes. I think we’ve all made more mistakes than we wish we have, but we only make our lives worse by reliving the past over and over again, or bringing up someone else’s past to make them relive their pain again. 

We’re human. Of course we aren’t perfect. No one is. No one. If you think you are, well, you must be Jesus – please save us all. I’m not. 

We gossip and put others down in a state of fear — Who we think we are, our ego, our selfish drive to look out for “I” and not anyone else, leads us to actually being a bad person – or at least not being helpful. I’m not saying we’re completely bad if we gossip about others, because as much as I try not to, I slip sometimes. Humans are emotional. We’re really driven by emotion, so when we experience states of fear, we might get hyper focused on our lives, and gossip about someone else before someone points the finger at us. It’s a defense mechanism.

^But then at times I wonder if this is a paradox too. I’ve wondered if we, as humans, gossip and talk down on others to actually evolve the human race. This might be a weird thought, but I have it, so I guess this all may be a paradox —that although we most likely know it’s not right to gossip, we still do, and these projections of others’ mistakes and never ours, can possibly inspire those people who are talked badly about, to do and be better, and hopefully it makes the gossiper want to be and do better too. —One problem though is that most gossip is done behind our backs. We complain about people and they complain about us, and we never really find out because everyone is just as fake as we are. Maybe this is the human game? It’s dramatic, that’s for sure.

Maybe one reason why most of the human population isn’t genuinely happy is because we’re so focused on other peoples’ lives(because we’re in constant fear of what other people think of us), so we never end up attending to our own lives. 

There is more to that day that I experienced, but I don’t want to write too much in one post. 

This felt really good to write. It’s been about 10 years and I’ve told maybe a handful of people about this experience, but I’ve never written most of it down like this. I haven’t shared it with more people because of fear, because as much as I believe in love, societal norms are powerful, and as a person with the job I have, doing magic mushrooms and talking about the experience would very likely be frowned upon and could consequence in losing that job, which I love.

So I will remain anonymous for now, but I do want to share more of my psilocybin stories. If you’d like to help me do this full time you can donate here. Thank you for reading, and I’d like to hear your psilocybin and psychedelic experiences as well. We can just talk about it, but I can also share your story if you’d like(anonymously or can link to your site). Email me at psilocybinstories@gmail.com.

I look forward, in hope, to the days psilocybin will be used as a medicine that actually heals us, and doesn’t leave us addicted or taking other medications to counteract the medicine we’re on.

But for now, we play the human game, doing what we can – not just talking about change, but making change, and being okay with doing it imperfectly, and picking ourselves and others back up, in love, when we fall.

Do I wish I was always in that mushroom state of mind?

I’m not sure…because then, well, I don’t know. 

But that’s some of what I experienced that day, and a lot of it has stuck with me.

One last thing for now, I think. Haha. —It’s easy to judge people, which I’ve even done in this post —like judging people for judging, but I think what’s more important is to live our lives in a way where we don’t need to talk, preach, use our words to complain and blame, because we’re too busy living how we all know we should. It is very good to speak out for what you believe in, and to fight for what is right, but try not to solely speak on your beliefs – act on them, and if you’re not acting on what you say you believe in, I encourage you to reflect..On your life, not someone else’s, and to help people rather than try to destroy them with your words – that’s an evil thing to do. We’re all people. We’re all hurting. 

Grace…If we can give ourselves grace for the mistakes we’re not proud of, we can share it with others too. Not because we’ve done anything to deserve it, but because we are one entity. We are together, and I think that as we find ourselves treating people, the environment, animals, everything, with grace, we’ll experience more of it in our lives, and I say this as someone who eats meat and needs to work on sharing grace in all aspects of my life just as much as anyone else, because I often don’t give that grace…talking, not doing. But, it has come into my awareness, so I remind myself of some of these things that flooded into me during that trip, and I take imperfect actions in a state of my beliefs, being okay with doing it imperfectly-because that’s the only way to progress, not just as individuals, but as the whole human race, together.

Balance is essential in doing this, and boundaries, which is another thing we can imperfectly progress toward.

As we focus on our lives let’s not forget the lives of others, and

As we focus on others’ lives, let’s not forget ourselves. 

It’s natural to not want to let other people down, even sometimes when they are toxic to us, because we care about their happiness. Some people are pros at boundaries, and others, like myself, need to work on it.

Clear, honest, real and raw communication may be a starting point.

Be weird. Be patient. Love who you are, and others, as they are.

I hope you experience love, grace, peace, strength, and joy, at a deep level, and embrace pain, uncertainty, doubt, fear, restlessness, worry…Two sides of the same coin, if you think about it. 

Thank you for reading.