This post comes from an anonymous sender who had a profound experience with Psilocybin. The first few paragraphs give background on this writer, then you’ll hear about their psilocybin experience, including striking insights similar to things I’ve experienced while tripping. I love relating to all you psychonaut readers&experiencers! Enjoy the following trip 🍄🤪😁😎
My name is not relevant here but I would like to tell you something. I would like to say straight away that I am trying to describe something indescribable. This is a contradiction in terms, but I am trying.
I wrote this text original a few days after the experienced trip.
To introduce myself briefly, I take a look at something. I have many siblings. I grew up on a mountain farm. Overall, I had a nice childhood, I would describe myself as nature-loving and curious. My worst experience was probably the unnecessarily cruel divorce of my parents and the experiences from that time. I like to go to the mountains and work with wood. The search for the meaning of life kept busy me, but only in moderation and sometimes in passing. I am married and have healthy and sometimes good children. I can count over thirty years in my life.
I like to travel and one of my most extensive trips until a day in Winter 2019 was, for example, a bicycle trip with my friend from home to the Caucasus. There we climbed the Mount Elbrus.
I consider the student days with my friends and the experience from them to be very important for me. I also made up for the agricultural skilled worker. I work as an engineer in the automotive business.
I have very good friends who I can and want to count among the most important companions on my way.
This very short and extremely incomplete outline should reflect me a little.
And even if I could, for example, fill a beautiful book with the mentioned trip to the Caucasus and its experiences, I would like to tell you about another, much more worthwhile trip.
Or maybe it’s only interesting for me, of course you have to make this judgment yourself.
This part of my trip started on a Winter day in 2019 in an ordinary living room with my friend and led me to the innermost timeless and spaceless.
First of all, so that you only think I’m as crazy as I really am or would be, I would like to note that I have witnessed some formative events such as near-death events and births of my children. In relation to the following experience, these seem to me like little crack on a bowl, which then broke open completely.
I and my friend, the travel companion, have been working intensively on mind-expanding mushrooms for a long time.
He much more than me, he developed the knowledge about it and let me participate. I think Paul Stamets was the trigger, who, like me, is now convinced that these mushrooms are not party drugs, but correctly used as a kind of aid. Here’s something to taste – (Joe Rogan&Paul Stamets video)
We both have moderate experience with hemp and, especially during our study time, a lot of experience with alcohol, but with drugs, I would like to say that we have nothing to do with it.
After studying books and reports from so-called psychonauts, this is a term that is typically used in specialist circles, and considering the risks, I decided to eat five grams of Psilocybe cubensis Golden Teacher with a little honey together with my friend.
Although we had read a number of testimonials and were roughly aware of how the psilocybin contained works, that it does not make you addictive, but tends to promote reflection and empathy, we would not have expected the following, with any fibre of our being.
And the name of the mushrooms, although it seems to describe the easy handling of the growth, says it all.
So of course, we went on a trip with our women after clarification. After ingesting the mushrooms, we went into a cosy room with some classical music and agreed that someone should check on us every half hour. Which then happened through my friend’s wife and an old friend.
Through our research, we knew that the trip would be over after 6 hours at the latest and that there would be no dependencies or physical damage afterwards. The worst to expect was a horror trip, which according to experience reports also harbours positive insights.
And now begins the part that is very difficult for me to put into words.
On the one hand, this is because words, by definition, can only be completely inadequate for something indescribable.
Secondly, my inability. I try anyway, just please be aware that this can in no way be modelled on words, words are something that we humans invented, so they are probably as imperfect, imperfect as everything we humans are and do.
So, we lay on the couch and listened to some nice classical music from an internet radio for the first hour. The psilocybin contained in the mushrooms and digested by the stomach docked in the corresponding places in my brain.
My body and mind, prepared by moderate fasting, catapulted me into different perceptual worlds.
At the beginning we were amused, but then my senses interweaved and the most incomparable trip of my life started.
I started to see very nice, cloud-shaped pictures on the white ceiling. These then gradually began to move to the music. We had more or less expected this because new paths were formed in the brain and it was already described that music can be seen, for example.
This was very nice and I started to reflect and relive the wonderful experiences of my life.
Time and space were about the same as before, but I got a lot of nice insights. My “seeing” was also not as visual as usual, but much more intense.
In the next stage, maybe a quarter of an hour later, my senses have almost completely dissolved and interwoven. And even though I was always approachable, I felt a little crazy about my original point of view.
I wasn’t exactly where I was before and I wasn’t exactly who I was either. I also wondered at this stage how do I know that I am, I am.
I also realized that my five senses so far only gave me a glimpse of life and the truth.
A friend came into our room and checked on us.
I told him that I couldn’t even describe in a whole life what I’m experiencing and seeing in a moment.
And by seeing I didn’t mean anything visual that is perceptible to the eyes. It was a different way of seeing, for which I already lack the right words. I reflected a lot back and forth and realized what was beautiful and enjoyed it. Although time and space were no longer the same as before, they were still there. I was born with every breath and lived through many lives. I could feel real empathy. It was very moving.
The next level was the most indescribable and so intense and real experience of my life. Time and space dissolved completely, I “was” a kind of perfect bliss and love in which souls touch.
And here I find it hardest to get any idea of it. Words, pictures, everything that is available to me as a person to describe it is completely insufficient to describe it. It’s also not true that I was there. There would be a place there, and it’s not a place. I wasn’t there either. To was there would mean a period of time, and it was not a period of time.
I don’t want to give it a name either, for me it cannot be associated with anything known, so I simply call it It, then you at least know that it is unimaginable.
I have learned that everything is related to everything. Everything is It and I am It too.
I also found out that I am nothing special as a person, or in other words just as special as anything else.
My faith, my knowledge, my ego, I as a human being, everything in me, was dissolved and I experienced this completely indescribable perfect bliss and love.
Unfortunately, I can’t find any more suitable words to even begin to describe It.
I don’t want to describe the experience with I “was there”, but rather with I am It.
And that’s not a belief in it, but in my little transport container called the brain, certainty.
The further course of the trip was that I climbed one step down again. Time and space had not yet been opened up to me again in their current form. I then started to reflect on everything bad. My bad sides and mistakes, and the bad sides of the world that we have shaped as humans. That was not nice. I felt sick.
I wanted to know what I can or should do in my life. What’s the point?
I could not answer a single question about what I should or can do with completely right or completely wrong, I recognized my limited sphere of influence and my imperfection.
And although I felt through many lives there was no way to perfection. I asked myself the question of the meaning, I wanted to know what I should do with my new knowledge and experience or how I should continue to act as a person.
Everything was and is so imperfect compared to the experienced.
In addition, everything is connected, and I will soon travel through my life again with its limited sphere of influence. And I asked myself questions after questions, I probably had answers as well, but none of these answers led to the previously felt perfection.
I also knew that I would live my life more or less long. This has a sphere of influence that itself can be influenced, but is nevertheless always limited.
I also learned that we humans are only lives in the midst of life that wants to live. So just as special as everything else, to put it mildly.
For example, when asked if I should slaughter and eat animals, there was no clear or complete answer. I already know that billions of lives are killed in our bodies every second and a similar number are born again. This life, every single cell wants to live just as much as a cow, right? Should a killed life serve my food? So, should as many or as large a life as possible be protected?
Life always means death, but where does life begin?
None of my countless questions had a clear and perfect answer.
The great realization from this was that there is no perfect right or completely wrong answer to these questions.
But there are better and worse answers, with no definitive borders in between.
In this phase of the trip I learned what I should do for my life, what the meaning of my life is, which was previously beautiful but also imperfect.
The experienced “It” is everything and therefore also what is bad at the moment.
What is so logical, simple but also difficult at the same time and anyway the only thing I can do is over me. In two words: make an effort!
I should try, I will not make perfect decisions, but I can choose between better and worse. And for me, the better is preferable to the worse. And for the current part of my trip, I’ll try to do that.
Now I am here in front of my computer and feel sorry about my imperfection in translating and writing these lines with imperfect meaning. Lines which try to describe something indescribable.
But I try anyway because I think it makes sense. That the whole cosmos, every cell, life also make an effort.
I have the time as an aid.
I have no faith after this trip, instead I have certainty. I am It too and I try.
With love for my wife, my children, family, friends and everything else,
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