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What is the meaning of life? Morning Thoughts

I dive into my mind sometimes,

What’s the meaning of life?

^there are levels to the answer of this question

Because in a large way, we are literally creating the meaning of life.

-but yes, on a metaphysical, quantum level, there is a lottttttt happening. Layers. Levels. Dimensions. Etc. & there’s multiple layers within the layers — but this is what we do, right? As humans. We’re explorers. Pioneers. Renegades. & to go deeper, within the human mind – and also externally, we must begin “digging” you could say — diving into the mind – for me, I’m a natural philosopher, & psychedelics like psilocybin & lsd a handful of times(I would like to do more) – they can serve as mind “digging” tools — 

^^and one of the many things I’ve discovered/experienced, is that “Mind” is possibly everywhere. It’s not only within the individual. During some of my psychedelic trips I have understood this completely, wholly. It’s far-out. Definitely. But it’s real. & if I need to, I’m sure I could find quotes from geniuses of the past – scientific & other, who have said the same thing — but now, as we are advancing – in technology, etc, we may be able to prove this to be true.

^this is so obvious to me, that sometimes I feel like humanity already knows this…but, at so many levels it’s also obvious that humanity doesn’t know this — as a species, humanity overall, is still mostly behaving like animals, savages. 

& this ^^ is understandable. Look where we came from – as a species (humanity). “Life”, as we know it – well, the history of humanity, has been savagery. So it’s like yea, of course. 

But then where do we go from here?

& how? 

& why?

& I don’t know if it even matters. 

But I guess maybe it’s also our instinct which makes us want to strive & survive, & learn, & evolve.

(I drink a lot of water. I drink a lot of other things too. But lots and lots of water.)

As humans, we like to think we are in control. & to an extent, we are. But to a very small extent — because there are metaphysical, invisible, quantum, all that shit – is here. And it always has been. Life goes way way way beyond the human experience. Life is not about us. It’s not. Get over it. Boo-hoo. Cry me a river — & then use that water to help people.

Humanity, well, humans, individually, are selfish. Almost completely selfish.

It’s their instinct, mostly. So their instinct, and I’m sure this is not only biological, but there are multiple factors that influence this,, but yea, most, if not all, humans instinct is to survive, and, as we look at the history of humanity, it’s easy to see this. I mean even life today. It’s obvious.

So, there must be some good to this ^^, although it may be hard to believe. But there is. like we need this(ego) to a certain extent. But there is more to life than the human ego. So much more. 

But it’s very easy to be carried away by ego.

Possibly if it weren’t for my psilocybin experiences, I may not have ever experienced life outside the human ego. But there is life beyond the human ego. And it’s beautiful. Seriously. 

But yes, there is possibly a need for balance. Of ego, and we’ll say soul, if we are to adapt & evolve, together. There’s just so much more. But for so long humans have lived inside a bubble in a way. We could call it the bubble of ego. 100%. 

There is more to life than our little ego bubbles. So so so so much more.

Water break.

Goosebumps.

Anyway. Trying to find the right words for this — for what the answer for this could be — & it’s probably many things — one being a new form of understanding,, a new way of thinking,, perceiving,, etc..

& yes, I know at least part of the way, and part of me believes that the only way to achieve this is for us, on individual levels, to live the way. 

^^and the way — well first, it’s not just one exact way – it’s not. There’s no such thing as “perfection” – well, there is, because everything is perfect already,, but in a human sense – things will never be perfect, ever. Let’s not try to make things perfect, lets just progress. Start where we are and go from here. 

^but yea, the way..I could put it simply but it’s funny because I don’t know if people would understand. So possibly it’s something I’d have to write out or something, in detail, being diligent & specific with my words – as I’m trying to do now, but this is just a free-write. My mind is speaking.

How could I plan everything that has happened? Someone couldn’t plan that out. I trust life. It’s a different form of thinking, of living, of being. 

And..I could continue with this – with writing & whatever, but, and I will, at some point. 

And yea, it’d be nice to not be living in poverty. & some might mention ego now – but like I said, we need ego to an extent. & I like to have fun. Life isn’t about just human shit. That’s stupid. About whatever. It’s so much more. And I want to create great work, and have fun while I do it, at a place where I can research & write, and feel free to dive into the Mind, & try to find the right words — to share new ways of thinking, perceiving, understanding.

Somewhere near nature, beach would be cool. No nearby neighbors haha, but I’ll still be social every now & then. 

((People are so stupid sometimes. They will take your words & twist them into their own interpretation, for better or worse, and often, for worse. So fucking stupid.)) – but again, even though this irritates me sometimes, I understand it. We, humanity, come from savagery – this is how it has been, and this is how it still is.

& I don’t mind living in poverty. Honestly I love my life, and that won’t change. It won’t. I know what I’m here for. & if I die or someone kills me, that’s okay. Seriously, whatever. It doesn’t matter. Life goes on. It’s not about me. And it’s not about you. It’s definitely not about humanity.  There’s just a lot, a lot, a lot happening on the metaphysical, quantum level, & other levels we are currently unaware of.

That’s it for now.

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Uncategorized

Terence McKenna’s Most Important Speech

This is one of Terence McKenna’s most important discussions, as well as one of the most important discussions for humanity to hear in these strange times of crisis.

Terence really gets to the Heart of what is at stake – for planet Earth, humanity, and all that dwells on and in Earth.

Some of what he discusses may be at first difficult to understand because there is a mystic quality to it. I am currently processing all of what Terence spoke of here and know that the ideas he shared will take time to process. I’ve listened to this speech 3 times since I first heard it yesterday and will most likely listen again. The ideas he speaks of here are not just something that can be processed in an instant – which he mentions. The ideas he discusses require much more effort from the common, quick & dismissive, judgmental thinking.

Who has time to think critically though?

With the exceptions of some “ums” & whatnot, I almost certainly transcribed his exact words. (At least from around when I began taking these notes, 30 to 40ish minutes in.) I made sure to transcribe his exact words as he spoke them, because I believe this is that important.

The whole speech is great, but I really got into transcribing his words around the time when he says “…In a way it’s the poets that have failed us…” which are bolded, below. The video of this speech can be found at the end of this article. Please share your thoughts in the comments section. Thanks for reading. 

“Culture is a plot against the expansion of consciousness...

And this plot prosecutes its goals through a limiting of language. Language is the battleground over which the fight will take place, because what we cannot say, we cannot communicate – and by say I mean dance, paint, sing, mean. What we cannot say we cannot communicate.

We can conceive of things that we cannot communicate, and I think everyone here has done that. 

…the psychedelic inner astronaut sees things which no human being has seen before and no human being will ever see again. But in fact this has no meaning unless it is possible to carry it back into the collectivity…

(^around 32 mins) 

“…now what we really need,,,”

“we are the custodians of the destiny of this planet. Our decisions affect every life form on the planet.”

“…In a way it’s the poets that have failed us. Because they have not provided a song or sung a vision that we could all move in concert to. So now we are in the absurd position of being able to do anything, and what we are doing is fouling our own nest and pushing ourselves toward planetary toxification and extinction. This is because the poets, the artists have not articulated a moral vision. The moral vision must come from the unconscious. It doesn’t have to do, I believe, with these post-meaning movements in art, deconstructionism and this sort of thing. 

I mean I’m basically putting out a very conservative but I think exciting program, for art — that arts task is to save the soul of mankind, and that anything less is a dithering while Rome burns. Because if the artists, who are self-selected for being able to journey into “the other”( the transcendental dimensions, etc). If the artist cannot find the way, then the way cannot be found. 

Ideology is extremely alien to art. Political ideology I mean. And if you will but notice it is political ideology that has been calling the shots for the last 7 or 800 years. We can transcend politics if we can put some other program in place.

You cannot transcend politics into a void.

And I believe that a world without ideology could be created if what were put in place of ideology were the notion of the realization of the good, the true, and the beautiful, ya know. 

The three tiered cannon of the platonic aesthetic. (the) Reconnect the notion the good, the true, the beautiful, then use psychedelic to empower the artist to go into this vast dimension that surrounds human history on all sides to an infinite depth, and return from that world with the transcendental images that can lift us to a new cultural level. The muse is there.

The dull maps that rationalism has given us are nothing more than whistling past the graveyard by the bad little boys of science. You only have to avail yourselves of these shamanic tools to rediscover a nature which is not mute, as Sart said, in a kind of culmination of the modern view point. Nature is not mute, it is man who is deaf. And the way to open our ears, open our eyes, and reconnect with the intent of a living world is through the psychedelics.

Now as you know, biology runs on genes. And genes are the units of meaning of heredity. But we could make a model of the informational environment that is represented by culture, and in fact this is done. A word has been invented — meme, m.e.m.e. a meme is not the smallest unit of heredity. 

A meme is the smallest unit of meaning of an idea.

Ideas are made of memes, and I think the art community might function with more efficiency in the production of visionary aesthetic breakthroughs, if we would think of ourselves as an environment, modeled after the natural environment, where we as artists are attempting to create memes which enter an environment of other memes that are in competition with each other, and out of this competition of memes, evermore appropriate adapted and suitable ideas can gather and link themselves together into higher and higher organisms.

Now in order for this to happen – There is an obligation upon each one of us to carry our ideas clearly. Because in the same way that a gene must be copied correctly to be replicated or it will cause some pathological mutation, a meme must be correctly replicated or it will cause a pathological mutation.

What is this new level of creativity?”

Around late minute 41, closer to 42^^^

46:30ish

“… and each artist is an antenna to the transcendental other and as we go with our own history into that thing and then create a unique confluence of our uniqueness and its uniqueness we collectively create an arrow, an arrow out of history, out of time, perhaps even out of matter that will redeem then the idea that man is good. Redeem the idea that man is good. This is the promise of art, and its fulfillment is nevermore near than the present moment…”

“…that what is called gnosticism is a very strong strain in the human animal and especially in western thought. And gnosticism in its most severe form can be boiled down to the proposition that we are strangers here, we don’t belong here. This is not our world. We come from a place made of light and we will never rest until we return to it. Now the problem with that formulation is it sets us up for tremendous discontinuity and unhappiness until we achieve that return to the realm of light. It’s a kind of faustian thing.

And yet the other possibility…is isn’t there some way we could make our peace with the earth? Isn’t there some way that we can have archaic and eat it too…”

“.. somehow the living spirit has to be brought with us. And this is really the high task for shamanism. How can we who have always as shamans had a relationship to the spirits of the earth, of the waters, of the sky. If we are setting out for alpha in Sagittarius or something like that, how can we do that and not leave our soul behind?

Well, I don’t think we should leave our human soul behind.

Somehow we have to internalize the entirety of the biological world if we are going to become a spacefaring species, otherwise we are going to get out there and discover that something vital was left behind…

..and this is a great tension between ourselves and the earth. Between our destiny as an energy-using, dream-compressing, spacefaring, storm trooper kind of species, I mean that’s all male dominance and male mentality talking, and the need to somehow fold that into a nurturing stance, a preserving stance, a stance that recognizes that the conservation of (our?) archaic values is really our only hope. 

And those two things exist in a dynamic tension.

This is maybe the issue that the artistic community can clarify, and that must be clarified before we can make a definitive step into the future.

Right now we are uncertain.

Stewardship or angel hood? Which shall it be?

What I’m proposing is more,, there’s no man in it. 

It’s the compresence of the collective soul of humanity.

That somehow I see history as an alchemical task and process, and the artist, as artificer, it is the task of the artist to complete this alchemical compresence, and it’s a kind of irrational thing. It is irrational. 

It’s that “mind” and “matter” are approaching each other on a trajectory that will bring them together with no damage to the quintessential nature of each. And we can’t image that. Because for us things are “mind” or “matter”. 

We can’t conceive of a coincidentia-oppositorum (the coincidence of opposites). And yet it’s that which we must hold in our minds if we want to seek truth. I mean even in quantum physics they teach you that the universe is composed of what they call islands of boolean algebra embedded in an ocean of ordinary algebra. What they mean is they are having their archaic and eating it too, they’re trying to say that it’s “both, and”.

And it is an irrational process. It isn’t a Nietzschian program of realization. It’s a kind of an opening. Something wants to be born. The promptings of our religions with all the irrational and hysterical trappings that attend them nevertheless have a core perception that there is between man and nature a kind of compact, and this compact is, it will be redeemed. I mean I really think that this is the psychedelic faith. That we are the prodigal species. We have descended into the inferno of matter to try and recover the pearl of immortality. 

The pearl of immortality is the perfected and reconstructed Earth, and somehow we are to be the critical factor in this equation, or the point species.

We are not acting for ourselves, we are the energy manipulating species that I believe carries the hopes of all life, all nature is watching this drama. The life of our star is finite. The life of the planet is finite. But potentially self reflecting understanding may be in fact immortal, and yet it is breaking out of the trappings of matter, and this is a process so large, so strange, that I don’t think a single mind can encompass it within a single moment. 

It’s something that we triangulate over and over again. And for me, the psychedelic experience is how you do that. 

The psychedelic experience is literally a rising into a higher dimension, in the geometric sense, and from that higher dimension the psychedelic voyager carries out a transecting of the lower dimensional object which is the world, and in the same way that we can build up an image of a cone out of an infinite number of ellipsoidal transections, we can build up a true model of the world by carrying out a number of these transections from a higher dimension, and then it shows us how the world really works. 

And when you understand how the world really works, I’m beginning to get just a hint of it. It works through love, and dream, and intention to connect .. through love and dream and intention toward connection, and these are ultimately irrational values and they ultimately must be irrationally embraced, because the momentum toward irrational conclusion is tremendous, but unfortunately completely fatal. And this is the invitation that the artist has always extended – toward a radical break with the momentum of rationalism. 

It’s simply that now, in this moment of tremendous crisis, when the artist is at last called upon to perform, and there must be no stitches dropped, because this dance is the dance of transformation of the planet itself. This is the moment of empowering. This is what all the Shamanism of the past built toward. This final magical invocation. James Joyce said man will be dirigible. That’s simply a way of saying that we will find a way to make our dreams, and the dreams of the planet and the life it carries, one dream. 

And the way to do it is to reconnect up to the Gaian Mind through the channels of communication that were always there but that have not been really taken up since the late Neolithic. 

It’s time for us to call home.

And you know how to do it. 

It’s just a matter of having the courage to do it. 

To act and then to have that empowering act spread back through the psychology of the planet. I am very optimistic. 

I think we are awakening to a new day from a long long night of the soul, but it must be done collectively, gently, lovingly, and with a complete faith that we are an infant held in the arms of nature. That nature wants this to happen. That we are not an aberration. We are granted peculiar, but we are not an aberration. 

We are a necessary oddness to the completion of the whole and this is our glory and this is why we’ve been graced with self-reflection, and we can redeem that tremendous empowerment by going forward in love and faith to save the world through art and the pursuit of meaning.

Thank you very very much.”

—Terence McKenna

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Psilocybin Stories

Spontaneous Solo Psilocybin Trip

I didn’t plan on taking the mushrooms that night. I fell asleep around 9pm and woke up around midnight. I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to take the mushrooms I had, nearly 3.5 grams.

I began with 1 gram, and started feeling the effects after 30-40 minutes. I then took another gram, and then 30 minutes after that I finished it off.

At that point I was feeling pretty great. I was in a state of trust. It was now 1:30am or so, and I was just tripping in my room.

I got on instagram & checked out some psychedelic art photos(and posted them to my story haha). The colors were vibrant. Good vibes for sure.

Then there was a video of a couple whales swimming in the sky, which I thought was fucking awesome. I watched it and it led me to wondering about whales and how they communicate, and that we as humans aren’t the center of the Universe — that we aren’t even the center of this Earth.

Then I went back to looking at psychedelic art, which inspired me to listen to music. I turned on Xavier Rudd. I love his music, especially when I’m tripping. Then I saw a trippy video which make me think of Octopuses and how they communicate. I know that Octopuses are super smart, I wondered what their world is like, and thought about how cool it’d be to communicate with an Octopus.

Then I thought about how Octopuses or other sea animals could be aliens, truly. Haha. It’s possible, but not definite. Just a thought.

Then I looked in the mirror and took some pictures of myself. My pupils were huge! Haha, my eyes were pretty much all black.

At one point in the night I turned off all the lights and laid in darkness for 30 minutes or so, opening and closing my eyes. It was so dark that it didn’t matter whether my eyes were open or closed, all I could see was darkness. I then waved my arms in front of my eyes, it was cool because I couldn’t see my arms at all, even with my eyes open, but I was moving them right in front of my face.

Laying in the darkness also reminded me that I want to get one of those trippy psychedelic light things. Then sometime later I got up and turned one light on. Yea, just one haha.

It may have been around this time, 2-3 hours into the trip, standing in the lit area, where I had a sort of out of body experience. I didn’t feel like “me” in this moment. I felt like I was outside of myself, watching myself, and it felt like that was who my true self is.

Some thoughts of life, death, &humanity went through my mind as well, and the fleetingness of it all sank in. It didn’t bother me though, it was just like a “oh, yea. That’s what this is.” And then I had thoughts about how life will solve itself, even though we humans go around trying to figure it out. I had the thought that we don’t need to do anything, and life will be okay, and that’s true, but since we’re here, we might as well do something. 

And I had the thought that we are all life, whole, one. But we often forget that. It really sank in that yes, life will figure itself out, and that we are life, so we can help ourselves figure ourself out, because it’s going to happen anyway. We’re all one. We are life. Everything is okay.

The idea that life is communicating with us sank in, and again, that life is us…

But yea that it’s always communicating in one way or another. It communicates in symbols.

I thought about how future human societies will most likely be vegan, if we make it that far.

I took pages of notes. On one page I wrote:

“Love=No fear-an absence of fear
= No judgement-an absence of judgement

This can all come down to “No-self” = an absence of self.”

(^I can dive into all this another time, or message me if you want to talk about this stuff)

But yea I thought more about my individual death, the death of me, and what that means. It seems we have a striving to live, but we don’t live forever. It’s hard to fathom living life in a different form whether it’s in the form of another person, animal, or environment, but I think that’s what happens when we die. The individual is gone, but the whole is always here. & that’s who we are, the whole.

Another note I took:

“In The End
it all works out.
So breathe,
don’t worry,
Do what you Love.”

I love many things, especially tripping & experiencing life. No one is completely perfect, but I hope some of what I do helps you and all who read this & takes part in Psilocybin Stories.

Which while tripping I did think of the PsilocybinStories instagram page and decided I want to make it more Nature-like, green vibes, water flowing, mushrooms growing, a growing community, which won’t be perfect as I struggle with trying to make things perfect, but it’s making progress, as we all are in some way.

Speaking of progress, I’d love to do this full-time – be a Psychedelic Investigator, experiencing and researching in the realms of the psychedelic experience.

You can help me do this with a donation, and as a gift I’ll send you my phone notes, about 1,700 words of notes taken during an up&down/heaven&hell kind of trip.

Donate here via PayPal, which also accepts credit & debit cards.

Thank you so much. I look forward to hearing from you and sharing more Psilocybin Stories.

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Psilocybin Stories

Existential Thoughts

I went into this writing as a story idea — this would be a suicide note sent to a friend, and the friend is now reading this note which they received a day or two after their friend killed themselves.

I don’t plan on committing suicide, but this quickly turned into my own existential thoughts on life, to myself, and less of a suicide note. I wrote it in one sitting with pencil and paper, in late October 2019-it was one of those flow moments. 

I wasn’t on magic mushrooms when writing this, I’m not even sure if they were on my mind, but I know they helped shape some of these thoughts.

I decided to keep some of the things I planned on editing out, in – they are in parentheses. Can be read with or without them.

Here is Existential Thoughts:

_____________________________

I can’t put into words how I feel right now, but I’ll try.
I’m young, but I feel so old; restless.

(A lost soul in a cold world.)

I found out this is a cold world; heartless.
Or maybe too much heart, and not enough brain,

(No thinking in this world, or you’ll be called insane; psycho, crazy.)
(Just do what we’re told.)

Cuz the people who think are all called insane; psycho.
They want us to do what we’re told and then feel shame; brainwash. (obedience)

I just can’t take it anymore, this game, I fold; The End.

Yes-I know I’m (loathing, dwelling) drowning in self-pity,
But I’m no Hunter S. Thompson, 
I can’t always “ride the waves of life” 
Sometimes those waves get so big, they suck me in and throw me against the ocean floor.

(And it fucking hurts. A fucking lot.)

Anyway, I know that everyone has their own waves to try and ride so I don’t even know why I’m sending this out.

No one actually cares. The world turns, the sun sets and rises and has been here for like billions of years..maybe..who knows what’s really real, I don’t think anyone does, except our experiences seem real, I don’t know.

I wonder what death will be like..or that it won’t “be” at all, not for our egos at least, 
Bye bye whoever I thought I was, Hello reality.
But this life is miraculous, it’s, there’s no words that can capture what this is, “life” we call it.
It’s a fucking trip.
Don’t know where it came from, don’t know where it goes.

I’m not sure if anything actually matters.
If we’re just dust in the wind, which in a sense we are because the Earth is just a small speck in the Universe that we don’t know how big it is!!
So if we’re just dust in the wind then why do we live? —or better, why do we want/desire to live?

It’s built within us—everyone wants to survive, mostly everyone. I do, but I just don’t fucking know life’s purpose! Fuck…maybe life has no purpose, although it feels as if it does.

Paradoxes on top of paradoxes on top of paradoxes; life is an unsolvable puzzle…maybe.

What if it could be solved? Or maybe there’s no solving to do because it just “is”
Maybe we’ve been taught, or our biologies lead us to desiring to “solve” life.
What would that even mean?-To solve life…
Haha, it sounds ridiculous but I think everyone I know is trying to do it. I know I am…Like, to experience ecstasy all the time?

I think that’s what most people are seeking—to feel good, and not feel bad,
And we’ve come up with a million and one ways to do this, but, it all ends in death, right?

I don’t know, maybe there’s life after death, maybe we .. or maybe life-whatever this is, just goes on without us.

Maybe it’s indifferent to our feelings—kind of like how we humans are mostly indifferent to others’ feelings and especially indifferent to animals’ feelings – I mean, we eat them. So what makes us better than them?? I don’t think we are better, but I do believe the collective human conscious believes we are better than animals…I’m just trying to put things into perspective, like an objective perspective-because we each have our own individual ego/self-perspective, but I think there’s more to life than humans-A lot more! Maybe I’ll find it on the other side-like I’ll be born as an alien or something…stupid…

But anyway-I think when people, when I, you, everyone are confronted with (the end) death, we get defensive. We don’t want to believe the truth of reality so we never live in a reality of truth. Facades and masks and makeup and clothes—these things strengthen a false reality, so what would strengthen a truer reality? – I do still believe in wearing clothes, geez I’m not an animal…Or are we just animals playing dress-up? Haha.

I don’t know. I think though. I think a lot. 
Sometimes I wish I didn’t think so much, but sometimes I like thinking.

So strengthening a truer reality..I think part of it comes down to a deep understanding/realization of death. -It’s hard for anyone to understand what we aren’t currently experiencing. So maybe one thing could be an imagination/visualization of losing all of one’s possessions—imagine what it would be like to have nothing and be on the streets of this cruel world. 

It seems like most people don’t want to know the truth of reality, they want to believe they will live forever until they die, and I don’t think that’s wrong because I believe in the cosmos-that all things that happen are supposed to happen, but if the cosmos is just another made-up idea, well I don’t know – people who live a completely selfish life and die don’t worry about the consequences of their actions—they’re dead, but I think each persons’ actions impact us all, I do believe in that – cause and effect, which I only have a limited understanding on.

But then also if the whole human race would go/goes extinct, what does it matter? 

I have no idea, but I have instinct/intuition, and it has a desire to do good, to help, to live a life where if when I die—I came/come back as a human(or animal) on the other side of the planet, that I can feel safe and loved—that I can be born into a world of love-a world where love rules – where we help each other rather than punish and shame, where we can look a stranger in the eye and really, really know, that they are me, and I am them, and that in what we have labeled as imperfections or flaws,-we (can) look at our own shortcomings/mishaps first before judging … that we won’t even judge, or that our judgements will be Love.-that, why would I ever try to hurt someone who is me, and I them?

It may never happen-it might not matter at all, but this is where I’m being called. I don’t know how to deal with people who hate—and I could be wrong but from what I’ve learned in human history-I’ve learned that masses of people tend to hate love…Like all the prophets get assassinated or thrown in jail. That seems backwards/wrong.

Are these “happenings” rooted in a corrupt system that desires control by any means?
Using the media to plant subconscious(selfish) ideas into human minds that/which benefit/strengthen the current power/system?
Or is it (“just”) conspiracy? 

I don’t think it’s conspiracy, I think it’s another truth of reality that the “winners”/people in power/many people, don’t want to see/look at. If you go back in history and study it, really study it, you’ll see this to be true(see the truth of this harsh reality); control, greed, more, more, never enough, more, but never being satisfied. (So) When does it end?

It ends when our desire for truth is stronger than our desire for more(of anything)…What is true and what’s not?

I have no fucking idea, but I know and I feel a truth inside of me that yearns to live.

(Maybe this life/society isn’t meant to live like that, or maybe we experience truth in death, or maybe we are evolving-into something beautiful, as/like a caterpillar turned butterfly).

But it’s A World of Love that I want to live in.

And maybe our own heaven and hells are within each of us, and we, as individuals, me-I, am in control of whether I experience real love or not-that if I want to change the world I need to change myself. It’s probably true, but I still don’t change. I continue as I am, and can I change?-I’m sure I could, at least it feels like we have that free will. But I still don’t change. I envision a beautiful world-but beautiful for who?-Humans? Will we still eat animals?-I think our fear to survive is stronger than compassion for animals..Or beautiful for “Americans?”-To live believing we are superior to others of the human race because of where we were born and had zero control of?..

Even if I want to help make the world better, it’s because it would be a better place to be if I died and came back, that’s still selfish. It focuses on “I” “Me” “My” still.

(So what’s the point?)

So the point is that I have no fucking clue if what I or we do is “right” or “good” because a lot of people are trying to do what’s good for them and their “tribe”

(So) Instead of being told what I should do and believe in, I follow a/my calling-maybe my calling is just a sum of my experiences and observations, I don’t know-but it’s strong within me. I am no perfect person-that doesn’t exist. I (just) am that I am.

I have a desire to go on/continue trying to explain or discuss these ideas, but I realized that some people will understand; and maybe I’m biased but I think those that understand are also seeking truth-(they are on a path of love).

And many may think I’m crazy-but I know that it’s common for people to fear and hate on what they don’t understand…

Cuz the people who think are called insane.

One more thing—I’ve observed numerous amounts of people who are actually afraid to think against societal ideas—to think for themselves, for the fear of being condemned or whatever(which is one reason I write anonymously).

-And yea it makes sense – a lot of prophets and peace makers have been/are targeted and killed or put in a cage. The system doesn’t desire to be changed – it craves/desires evil, corruption, power, control at the expense of anything and anyone.

But I think it can change as more and more people genuinely want truth and love, and as difficult as it is in this world to follow one’s truth, it will become easier as more people join(the movement); To Love-support, help, cooperate, encourage, collaborate, in authenticity, in knowing that I am you, and you are me.

(How can we know if we’re authentically loving ourselves and others?…)

Love—what does it really mean?

—Not to hate ourselves because of our vices, or should we hate ourselves until we do what we think we should do? -Or Loving ourselves through it all-making progress as we strive and fail, and continue to strive to live in a state of Love…

I don’t know.

(Maybe you’ll find something of use from my words-as all we/I know and say is a result of my experiences and observations.)

(This whole thing just flowed out of me and onto the pages in one sitting)

There’s a lot of thinking going on inside of me, sometimes too much?-No-it’s all what it is and what “it” is is ___________. -There’s no word I can think of-but the experience is a oneness with everything-a connection that is beyond thought-beyond words-beyond judgements-a deep peace. -Knowing that it’s all okay despite the (horrendous) truth of reality – I cross our horrendous because we may label it that because of our ideas of what is right and wrong(which a person’s thoughts of right and wrong are all relative to the human species-or race, gender, etc) is subjective. -(to our personal beliefs, not the truth of reality.)

But anyway!—yes, that it’s all okay, that we have very little control of whatever it is we are experiencing-but we have some control of (I think) our own actions-not the external world.

And that that is okay too.

And that you and I are going to die one day, and that that is okay.

Why wouldn’t it be okay??

-Because we thinkit’s not “okay” or “good”

Maybe death-it is the greatest thing that will ever happen to us.

I don’t know – and I don’t want to think that I know, because I don’t, (but) it-(death) is natural-and is “natural” indifferent?

Are we in a simulation? – maybe.
Is Jesus the only way to “eternal life?” -maybe.
Is there no purpose to anything, including this text? -maybe.

I guess one of the main takeaways I want readers to get from this is to really think about life—your own life, others’ lives, animals’ lives, and imagine/envision/think about what a “perfect”/ideal life would look like?

What does it look like to you?-And then imagine what it might be like for someone completely different from you—you may come to the realization that no amount of thinking will change reality’s truth, or who knows, maybe it will.

Are there similar characteristics in these perfect worlds?-or do your biases and human nature create a perfect world for just you-regardless of the feelings and thoughts of others?…

Thank you for reading.

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Love. Peace. Shrooms.