Psychedelic Notes 11/18/21

Really what I want to do is – well one thing I want to do is integrate my mystical psilocybin experiences – to put them in words – & to act on what I learned from those experiences – even when & if people disagree. I can’t live for the opinion of people any more. I mean I can but I don’t want to. I can’t live well like that. 

I need to live my truth. 

& what I have experienced during multiple of my psilocybin experiences were completely unique.

I think it will be better if I stop feeling the need to explain myself – especially to people who are bent on disagreeing with me.

 & that I need to just live it – which I’ve done at times in my life, but I’d like to live what I’ve learned more & more – & one of the main things I experienced during those moments was unconditional love – & that no matter who you are & what you’ve done, you are loved no matter what – who you really are, behind your ego, there is unconditional love. I know people disagree with this, but this is what I experienced & it’s true for me.

& I experienced the Tao – beyond words bliss. 

& some of my favorite experiences deep into shroom trips have been stargazing with friends – they were tripping too. 3.5 grams on trips like this when I was in college & the years after college.

Stargazing though, truly beautiful at the end of a mushroom trip – or in the middle of one too. Shooting stars – this is one of the most magical experiences with or without shrooms. But on shrooms it’s magnified X a lot.

& just thinking about life – contemplating it all – not in a rush to figure anything out, but in a way that genuinely wonders & asks All the questions.

What is life?

Why is life? 

Why does anything exist at all?

Why has it happened like this?

Where are we in the Universe? — or better yet realizing that it doesn’t matter where we are in the Universe, just that we are here now – on this big fucking rock! 

With a hot lava core & all sorts of layers within.

Floating in space!!

That’s fucking crazy.

But people act like it’s no big deal.

It’s a huge fucking deal.

Contemplating the vastness of the Universe while laying down at night looking at the stars with friends.

Seeing the edge of our Milky Way Galaxy & thinking about how there are millions & billions of other galaxies!!!! (the normal human mind can’t comprehend billions of galaxies because it’s so vast & because most people are completely stuck in this planet & don’t care to contemplate the Universe – & that’s okay too, but it’s not for me. I like the out of this world philosophy talk & experiences. & there’s always more to learn & experience. Always. No one person can know it all – ever. I will never claim to know it all because that’s not possible for anyone. 

I will claim my experiences though. 

& some people doubt that aliens exist.

That’s a joke.

Of course they do.

I like philosophizing life. 

It’s one of my favorite things to do.

& I’ve been philosophizing & contemplating life since I was a child. 

It’s been a natural passion & I’m thankful for it.

I want others to experience the mystical too. 

^especially since another realization I had on shrooms was that we are literally One. Our egos make us feel separate so our egos must be a lie. But there also must be something good that can come from our egos since they are very much existent in people. The realization that I am you and you are me. In the literal sense. This is no metaphor or anything like that. This is literal. We are each other. It’s just that our egos have been so cemented to believe otherwise – to believe that we are words & images & whatever else the ego holds on to – that all these things define us, but none of them do – they don’t define our real selves, which is our soul selves beyond the ego. I experienced empathy in this place like nothing I’ve ever experienced before & it was complete bliss. Unconditional love. It was the realization of my Soul self. It was an ego death. & it was beyond words beautiful.

Deep empathy. 

& so when I think about or write about politics – I know that’s my ego talking. Politics is the biggest ego game on this planet, & I just don’t have time for that – it takes away from my happiness so the only thing I can do is leave it to them & trust them – I mean, they are in their positions for a reason. 

But after I experienced unconditional love on my shrooms trips I realized that I can’t hate anyone & that I should never try to change anyone. Because we are all in harmony with the Tao, even when we think we or others aren’t – we still are.

So less talk. More living this. 

Just love. 

Really.

& love is an action – & it can be practiced. 

& it’s something I know I would like to practice more. Because in that place of love is bliss. & it’s completely selfless. So much easier said than done because as humans we have been taught to be inherently selfish — so I think we can possibly change human nature — that “human nature” is possibly a concept we’ve created as a species & it can be changed for the better. 

& yes, I’d like to live well – & idk if that’s my ego or soul talking. idk, but it’s like I still want to be financially free & all that. I still want to eat good foods & enjoy life to the fullest, & that’s okay too. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. 

But I also think that real happiness is beyond all of that – that there are some people who are rich & love it & themselves, but that also there are people who are rich and hate their lives — tell that to a poor person..no don’t do that actually. — the pain anyone in is valid. But yea. More living it. Less talk.

^^other peoples’ lives are not mine to judge — no matter what. Period. 

Really, just love.

Really, just love.